How to get your marriage back on track after soberity

That means you will likely play a role in your partner’s treatment. In other words, it continues even when the substance use has stopped.

• This is crucial not only for their own well-being but also for the health of their marriage.
• Enjoying self-care activities, such as spa days or developing healthy routines, sends a message of self-worth.
• It may require an intentional and lengthy process for both partners to learn how to rebuild trust within the relationship.
• Journaling can help you process your emotions without hurting your spouse or causing an unnecessary argument.
• Recognizing and avoiding potential triggers and risky relationships is key to maintaining sobriety.
• As communication improves, honesty and trust are slowly restored, creating a stronger foundation for the marriage.

First money steps after the wedding

For partners or family members, this neglect translates into feelings of frustration, anxiety, and helplessness. The person with addiction may also become less empathetic or attentive to others’ needs, further straining relationships. The journey to rebuild trust, communication, and emotional bonds after addiction is complex yet achievable. Addiction affects every facet of a person’s life, especially their relationships with loved ones. It is also essential to note that maintaining sobriety requires ongoing effort and commitment from both partners. Furthermore, we delved into the importance of support systems in maintaining lasting marriages after rehab.

“It’s a hard dynamic… especially hard when people marry their drinking buddies and their relationship is based on getting drunk together, having fun, and going to bars.” Rebuilding a marriage after addiction is a challenging, long term process. “The sober partner has to learn to stop managing their spouse’s life,” says Dr. Wijkstrom.

Living with someone with a substance use disorder

Making the decision to get married after rehab requires careful consideration and preparation. As individuals in recovery work towards healing themselves, intimacy may feel challenging or uncomfortable at first. Parties or events where alcohol or drugs are present can be difficult for those in recovery.

Rebuilding Takes TIME!

• This can make it hard to explain to your spouse exactly why you acted the way you did, and it can also make it difficult to receive genuine empathy.
• A joint current account typically gives both partners equal access to its funds.
• Codependency is a pattern where one partner’s self-worth is tied to taking care of the other.
• Pick the bank that supports your shared needs, not just the one you already use individually.
• Addiction affects every facet of a person’s life, especially their relationships with loved ones.
• Couples often feel unsure where to begin once the wedding excitement fades and real-life responsibilities settle in.

Substance use within unhappy relationships can also become a downward spiral that can be difficult to get out of. By setting the right expectations and considering treatment for yourself, you can overcome addiction together with your partner. There are over 40 million people in the U.S. alone living with substance use disorder. Recovery from substance use disorder can cause many changes in your marriage — not all of them positive. Set some time aside once a month to review expenses, update goals, and address any changes in income or priorities.

Rebuilding Shattered Trust

IOP is a place where clients can process their experiences in twelve-step fellowships and support one another in those individual journeys. If you’re going to work on your relationship with your spouse, you have to first work on your relationship with yourself. For your spouse, write down what kind of relationship you want to have with him or her by the end of the year. The first step to healing your relationship as a couple is to take an honest inventory of the damage that addiction has done.

Treatment & Support

So naturally, people stopped inviting me places. By the time anyone wanted to go out, I was too sloppy or unmotivated to clean up and go somewhere. Some days, my drinking meant I chilled out. He became both my support system and my target and we were utterly codependent as many alcoholics can be (me, not him). My drinking became more reclusive.

Every area of my life got brighter and brighter. The hours I’d wasted drinking I now dedicated to writing. But staying in the discomfort—really owning and embracing it—became yet another superpower in my mounting collection of life-changing, sober glow-ups. My default setting to want more, or the next thing, didn’t disappear; I just redirected my energy to crave more of what served me and less of what no longer added value to my life. I started slow and small, downloading the I Am Sober app to track my progress, which meant that every time I failed, my relapses were right there in front of me.

Close or simplify old accounts

According to 2018 research, supportive relationships with family, spouses, and sponsors help those working toward sobriety sustain their recovery. Open communication, rebuilding trust and intimacy, and ongoing support are key factors in maintaining a healthy marriage after rehab. When both partners feel heard and supported, the financial side of marriage can strengthen the 5 types of alcoholics characteristics of each alcoholic type relationship rather than add stress. Overall, combining therapy, community support, and ongoing education creates a comprehensive foundation for healing relationships affected by addiction. Ultimately, recovery is a process that depends on the willingness of both partners to work through challenges and rebuild a foundation of trust.

Try not to enable their substance use behaviors, but also try to release expectations of perfection. A therapist can help you learn more about the role you may have played in a codependent relationship and learn healthier patterns. Be engaged in their treatment, and work on healing the relationship.

Assessing it all these years later, I see drinking, for me, had never been fun. Girl’s Nights’ Out, which had once been just that, now ended in blacked-out nights on the beach with my girlfriends—bless them—where I began to express just how alone I felt in my marriage. As he worked to grow his business, our marriage took a backseat. Through it all, drinking never wavered.

Understand that rebuilding your marriage will be a long and challenging process, and keep your expectations reasonable. Go on dates, be completely honest with one another, and try to treat the marriage as a new relationship. Journaling can help you process your emotions without hurting your spouse or causing an unnecessary argument. While you may harbor resentment or anger toward your spouse, it’s often counterproductive or damaging to constantly rehash these feelings. You may want to agree to a system that will help you rebuild trust, like promising to always call your spouse if you’ll be home late. The recovering addict must also be patient as his or her spouse works to rebuild trust.

Of course, the addict’s ability to maintain sobriety will be essential to your ability to maintain the marriage as well. Being patient will be key in getting your marriage back on track, whether you’re living with an alcoholic/drug addict in recovery or you are an alcoholic/drug addict in recovery. Although rebuilding trust and intimacy will be difficult, you can put your marriage back together using the tips below. The key is to stay hopeful, remain dedicated to sobriety, and be forgiving—both of oneself and others—as healing unfolds gradually over time. While some relationships may not fully recover, the effort to foster understanding, accountability, and kindness can lead to meaningful reconciliation or new, healthier connections. Professional help like family therapy can facilitate understanding and emotional healing.

He didn’t know how to support me, which is what made his support so helpful. He didn’t try to step in and guide my recovery. I’d flaked on them too many times.

Rebuilding trust and effective communication after addiction requires dedication, patience, and a strategic approach. These communication practices are fundamental for repairing broken relationships and building resilience against relapse. The addicted individual should be transparent about their recovery process and work on developing healthy coping skills and boundaries. Support systems like family therapy, recovery programs, and peer groups such as Al-Anon are crucial for addressing these impacts.

And I made the people around me just as miserable. Eventually, he found a social life and joined a rugby team. Just drinking and smoking. It was the most emotionally challenging thing I’d ever taken on and it sucked the life out of me.

The partner who has a substance use disorder

I submitted my work in earnest for the first time in my life, and with this came award nominations, national recognition, and a literary agent in New York City. For the first time in my life, I used my addictive personality powers for good. Restarting the clock made my heart sink and my stomach drop, and eventually I used this new addiction to my “sober streaks” to rack up more and more time without alcohol.

You and your spouse may be going through a hard time right now in your marriage. Getting your marriage back on track after sobriety won’t be easy, but it can be done with hard work, patience, and communication. After addiction, broken trust is likely to be the biggest obstacle to overcome in your marriage. Trust is linked with intimacy, so understand that your spouse may need time to rebuild the sexual part of your marriage as well.